I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
