I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize