Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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