Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
