im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
