i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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