looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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