what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I enjoy the company of your penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
