Don't you send me to vm
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
