I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
