White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize