I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
