I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
