he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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