i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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