through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
