I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize