i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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