your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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