this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
