Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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