God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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