Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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