you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
