So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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