So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
