I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
