ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
