Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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