dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
