I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
