I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
