I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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