I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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