Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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