she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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