Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize