i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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