I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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