I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
