we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
