420 ftw
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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