this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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