She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
