you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
