I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
