remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
