I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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