i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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