just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
