I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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