Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
