so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
