Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
