she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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