do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
