belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
