Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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