i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
