I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
