So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
