If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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