you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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