Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
