Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
